I've been helping my aunt plan my cousin's wedding for the past couple months... not helping a lot since I do not live in South Dakota anymore, but giving her advice and helping her with invitations, photography, finding a DJ in the area etc. and today we got into a discussion about guests bringing dates and wedding etiquette in general. This discussion made me decide to look into the etiquette of whether or not to bring a date if you are an invited guest to a wedding. Modern times are a lot different than the past and figuring it all out maybe isn't as simple as whether or not you are married yet. Technically, the only time you can assume that your significant other is invited is if you are married, engaged, or living together otherwise it is best to check in with the host ie. the bride & groom or whomever is paying for the event ie. parents' of the couple to see if it is ok to invite a date. Rule of thumb though is... if only your name is on the invitation and no one elses then usually you are the only one invited. If you do not see "John Smith plus guest" then the likeliness of the event budget including you plus a date is very low. Weddings are fun, but expensive! Especially with plated dinners ranging from $20-$100 or more a plate (this is not counting all the extra items such as cake, flowers, dresses, services etc.) So just showing up with a date is usually not your best course of action.
And RSVPs are greatly appreciated. This helps with budgeting immensely. I often get calls a week or two out from a wedding with couples asking me if I'm still available for photo or video. This is usually due to the fact that their guest list has shortened immensely from their earlier expected and budgeted for amount and now they may have extra money to splurge for something they might not have had money for before like a wedding video. And if we are still free we are usually able to work out a great deal with the couple just so that we are filling a date on our calendar that otherwise would of been a day off for us. In fact I'm doing a wedding video for a couple next Saturday that just happened to call me a week ago because of this exact scenario. The bride's fiance thought there was no way she would find someone to do a video for the price she wanted to pay, but she didn't give up... she called around. I wasn't busy, she sounded nice and excited about her event so we booked it for the amount she wanted to pay... lesson here is that it never hurts to ask, the worse they could say is "No".
Speaking of RSVPs... it also really helps your hosts if you had previously planned on attending a wedding and RSVPed to it and then found out that you couldn't go for whatever reason, if you take the time to call your host and tell them that you can't make it. Catering companies, hotels, etc. charge according to the final numbers turned in a few days before the wedding. So your hosts could end up paying for your meal whether you ate it or not! Four or Five of those could work out to an extra hour of DJ service or tips for the catering staff! Think about how upset you would be to see the bill at the end of the night knowing that so and so didn't make it and didn't call and that you basically just paid for food that would be thrown out. (Another tip... if that is the case ask your caters beforehand to box up any extra meals that get paid for and are not eaten and have them sent home with family members if they want them!)
A little respect for those planning an event like this goes a long way in the appreciation department... and will win you brownie points!
